Here is a breakdown of key topics in our discussion:

Commending Parents For Making an Effort
11:05 – 13:14

What some LGBTQIA Youth Say About Their Parents
13:17 – 13:53

I Don’t Approve
14:14 – 14:55 14:32

I think my child is LGBTQIA+
27:43 – 28:21

It’s not your fault!
28:21 – 29:18

You’re entitled to your feelings
31:58 – 32:39

Things you can do & say (Video Clips)

Mitigate Long-Lasting Wounds
25:38 – 27:02

Take a breath & Keep your composure
17:14 – 18:43

Demonstrate Your Love
18:42 – 19:47

Understand that You Not Agreeing Is OK
19:48 – 20:44

Maintain your parent-child relationship
20:45 – 21:44

Get support for yourself
21:45 – 22:15

Develop Parental Humility
24:3 – 25:07

SCRIPT (example):  

1. Listen to this clip  (25:38 – 27:02)
2. When your child comes to you to tell you about their identity (invite them to sit down with you, neither of you should stand up.)  
3. Let your child speak without interrupting them.  After they are finished, you can respond immediately or later.  If you feel comfortable responding extemporaneously, jump to number 11 in this script.  If you aren’t sure how to respond, follow each step below.)
4. SAY:  Sweetheart, I need to pause momentarily to take three deep breaths.  (use the name you call them when you are happy:  nickname or affectionate name)
5. Ok. Please continue to talk to me, I will listen.
6. I appreciate your honesty. (Give them a hug)  
7. SAY:  I want to pause before responding to you because I want to say words that will assure you that I love you no matter what.  Is that ok with you?  I will come back to you ___________ (Give a specific day & time).
8. (Give them a hug)
9. Say I love you.
10. (Get back to them on the day you said you would.)
11. SAY:  Buddy, Thank you for giving me time to think over my response.  I want you to know we will get through this together.
12. I have a few questions for you.  (Ask 3-5 questions only)
13. Thanks for sharing.
14. (Repeat what they said back to them)   This is what I heard you say,….; please let me know if I misunderstood anything you said.
15. (Respond the best way you can, using a calm tone.  Give yourself grace.  You will say things that will trigger strong emotions.  It’s ok.  Your child will see that you are trying.)
16. SAY: I’ve given a lot about what you shared with me.  Here’s my honest response.  I will might say some things that you disagree with and that may hurt your feelings.  But I hope you’ll allow me to be transparent in expressing what I think and feel.  After I finish speaking, you can ask me anything you want.
17. Allow your child to speak without taking offense.
18. Respond.
19. (If it starts to get heated. Excuse yourself again)
20. SAY: I need time to gather my thought again.  Let me think about what you have said. I will get back to you _________ (date & time)
21. We’re going to get through this (offer a hug)
22. Go talk to someone you can confide in.  Let them give you some advice.
23. Invite your child to a follow-up conversation.  Prepare a snack, sit down, and be honest.
24. SAY:  Now, let’s be honest with each other.  Please tell me what you want me to do differently.  Then, I’ll let you know what I am comfortable doing.  (Listen, and try to agree to at least one ask.)
25. Let’s be patient with each other.  It will take time for us both to adjust to the changes in our engagements.  But we will get through this respectfully.  (offer a hug)

RESOURCES:

PFLAG –Parents, Families, and Friends of Lesbians and Gays

Lots of information including:  How to talk to your teen and Spiritual resources

GLAD – GLBTQ Legal Advocates & Defenders

Dr. Fae’s – Easy-to-read resources

Dr. Fae’s Resource List for families of color

Guidance & Therapeutic Support for Parents

1.  Dr Gabrielle Jones
2.  Dr. Laura Anderson
3.  Dr. Fae (for International Families)